Au Revoir a Doc Doom!!
Hi Everyone,
Before I start this post, I must warn you I expect this to be a rather downbeat read, as my current state of mind is very negative right now. I was going to wait to write this up tomorrow, when, I expect I will have snapped out of this lull, however, I want to give this story as accurately as I can, so I felt I actually had to write this whilst it is fresh and rather stinky within my mind…
Today was my final visit with Doc Doom (at least for a while) because I am now fully ready to start the peritoneal dialysis. As such, I will have my training with ‘Eileen’ starting Monday next week, and then all follow up appointments will be done with a PD specialist.
For my last visit however, Doc Doom more than lived up to his name! We talked about how things were progressing with my uncle and the live donor process, I told him about the CT scan and angiogram that Paul was requested to attend a few weeks ago, and Doc Doom’s whole body language shifted somewhat, I probed him about if this was a good or a bad sign, and whilst he explained he was not able to actually check and tell me (for ethical reasons) officially, he suggested this was most likely because they found something they didn’t like during his isotope testing of his kidneys and wanted to check further, then he started talking to me about the UK national transplant register finding me a kidney, and went on to tell me that living with and travelling abroad whilst on dialysis is possible this year providing I give enough warning to the renal unit!
Now, I am no expert, and yes it is true he did not specifically tell me things were absolutely out with my current live donor options, I definitely got the impression it was, and that he was preparing me to be on PD for longer than perhaps we had previously anticipated…. I try not to be pessimistic in life, but knowing my luck (or more accurately, absence off) when it comes to health I am starting to question just how many times one man can be (metaphorically) kicked in the balls before he starts to question whether its worth standing back up!
The emotional side of this disease is far more difficult to deal with than the physical that is for sure. I would recommend to anyone whenever you visit your nephrologist always take someone with you, mainly because when bad news starts coming in, its very easy to ‘glaze over’ and not fully take onboard what is said, but sometimes….as was the case today, you actually wish the people close to you (in my case today, my parents) were not with you. Because, as much as I tried not to show that I was devastated they could see that I was shaken, and that caused a rather awkward feeling that lingered all the way home.
I will bounce back, I always do, but today for the first time I did wonder how many times I will be able to continue to do so….as I type this I am border line on tears, and that is not the best way to start the weekend!!
OK, on a slightly more positive note, yesterday was interesting. I managed to get into work quite early, helped by the fact I received a 6am early morning phone call and that was followed up by a brew (cup of tea) being brought into me not long after….only to get a call from Fresenius (the company that provide dialysis machine and equipment) at 10am to tell me they were on their way to my house.
I rushed home, as fast as the legal speed limit would allow me (obviously) and arrived five minutes before the lorry!!! I could not believe the amount of ‘stuff’ being dropped off! The delivery driver must have been made up to see I lived in a bungalow…..only to have the rug pulled from under him when he got to the door and I told him the boxes needed carried upstairs into the converted loft!!
My dad was also here to meet the driver if I didn’t get back in time, so he felt obliged to help the driver…I had to laugh, the driver (not to much younger than my dad) started carrying two boxes of dialysate at a time that’s MIN 20kgs…so my dad did the same…for one time only!! He quickly realised that would kill him, so he dropped down to one box per trip!!
For my part, I did as much as I could…carrying the 3 light boxes all on my own!!
I was expecting a fair amount of stuff, but I underestimated the sheer volume it must be said, most of my landing area (which I call kidney corner) is now fully occupied with dialysis fluid and/or medical supplies. Take a look below:
Today I also visited the dialysis unit and had my final flush of the catheter, the fluid was put in normally, but then left in, whilst my tube was changed (all external plumbing – so no pain) then drained using the Fresenius drainage system, so now I am all ready with the correct plumbing to start the training on Monday, following that my next visit to the hospital is due in 4 weeks when I will be tested to determine how effective the dialysis is being.
That’s all for now folks.
Dan
You have a way with words, great. Hope you can shake off the depression but I can only imagine what it is like. I have you in my thoughts and prayers;
An interesting read as always Dan. Hope you shake the darkness quickly and the training goes smoothly.